Church Lady's Blog

My Daddy

My Daddy left this world and entered Glory on May 31, 2016.  It's the day that I feel most happy for him, as after an entire life lived in servitude,  he was so ready to meet his Savior.  But it's the day that is the saddest in my life.  And every day since then has been sadder without him here with me.  I was Daddy's little girl.  I was Daddy's baby.  I feel like my heart was removed the day we lost him.  I'm doing my best to function normally, but nothing in my world will EVER be normal again.

I heard my Daddy say my name yesterday for the first time since he died.  We discovered an old cassette tape with no markings on it and Derek brought the cassette player home from church so we could see what was on it.  When it began playing, I heard my Daddy's beautiful singing voice as he led the congregation in a hymn.  When the hymn concluded, Daddy began a sermon.  A Father's Day sermon.  In the sermon, he actually calls me BY NAME half a dozen times or so.  What a gift!!  What are the chances that the cassette we found would, #1  Havge Daddy's voice on it, and #2 be a sermon in which he spoke directly to me BY NAME ?!  I listened to the entire tape, which included several prayers and another sermon.  My eyes are raw today from crying - both with joy at hearing my beloved Daddy's voice again, and with sorrow knowing I'll never hear his voice in person again in this world.

And on this day - August 29th - the 11th Anniversary of Hurricane Katrina - I'm exceptionally emotional remembering the Storm as well as the aftermath for our family.  I thought we were going to lose my Dad after the storm - I just knew he was going to have a heart attack from the massive amounts of anxiety he felt.  But the Lord had us in His mighty hands the whole time. He knew what to do and gently guided us to do His will.  And who taught us to listen and obey to God?

My Daddy.

I miss you, Dad.  More ever single day.

Technology Gives Me Amnesia

I have a problem.  I have a problem with technology.  Specifically, I have a problem with texting.

Sometimes I read a text and within 5 minutes have forgotten that I've ever received it.  I've done it to just about everyone in my family (more than once).  I do it to my boss.  I do it to our Pastor.  I do it to my closest friends.

It is not intentional.

As a prime example:  I have been complaining to Amazon for about five months now that I'm not receiving emails confirming shipment of / delivery of things I have ordered.  I like to know when something is on its way so I can watch the front porch for the delivery. 

We have a sign on the front porch asking that ALL DELIVERIES be delivered to the BACK DOOR, yet somehow things STILL get left on the front porch.... and if I don't check the front porch after receiving the delivery confirmation email, I won't know the product is out there and it will sit FOR A LONG TIME before being discovered.  {Side story:  Ask me about the coconut milk I ordered in JUNE of last year and didn't discover until OCTOBER of last year.  DISGUSTING.}

I've checked to see that my email is correct - and it is.  I receive emails from Amazon confirming my order has been placed, but no email regarding shipment or confirmation of delivery.  WTH, Amazon???  All of my account settings seem correct, but something is clearly not working properly yet.  Ggggrrrr.

I sent my sister a book sometime in June.  I hadn't rec'd the shipment / delivery confirmation from Amazon yet, so I texted her about it on this past Saturday.  She responded that she had, indeed, rec'd the book and she thanked me for it.  Terrific.  End of Story.

Or not.  Sunday, just before worship began, I took out my cell phone to turn OFF all sound {side story:  Ask me about the time my boss texted me during church while my ringtone was set to "All About That Bass" during our worship service.... ME = BAD EXAMPLE TO ALL.}  {Insert frowny face HERE.}  Something about holding that stupid phone in my hands reminded me like a brick to the face that my sister had ALREADY TEXTED ME that she'd rec'd the book almost a week ago.  And what's worse??? I'd already blogged about it.

Wow.  Seriously.  Wow.

I do this all of the time.  People text me.  They go into GREAT DETAIL about something in their text.  Five minutes goes by.  I have completely forgotten they ever contact me AT ALL.  Sometimes it's because I receive their text when I cannot reply (ie:  When I'm driving or in a meeting) and by the time I can reply, I've forgotten I got their initial text.  Other times, it's because.... well, I don't know why.

I do feel like my brain is failing me sometimes.  I feel too much emotion when just a little is required.  Or I feel too little emotion when a lot is required.  I forget to send cards to people in time to get them to the recipient for the event/holiday (I've forgotten BOTH Mother's Day AND Father's Day cards to my in-laws, remembering on the FRIDAY before the holiday that I should buy a card.... TOO LATE, SUCKER!!!!!).  Sometimes I can't recall simple words when I'm speaking to someone.  I have a REALLY HARD TIME remembering people's names (especially if I've only met them once or twice).  {Side story:  This part of my "Lack-Of-Brain-Power" issue REALLY irks me, as my husband (who CHRONICALLY forgets just about everything) can do a LOCK DOWN on people's names without a problem.  It's like his superpower.}

I can only come up with one self-diagnosis:  Technology is giving me amnesia..  It's the only explanation that I can come up with.  That I can remember....

Only Child

The older I get, the more I have begun to accept a painful truth for me.  Despite the fact that I have five siblings, I am an only child and always have been.

And let me preface the explanation on that statement with this:  People have their own lives and do not have time for each and every person.... even if they should.

I am on Facebook with most of my siblings.  I see their comings and goings and I know they see mine, but we don't always have time to connect or chit-chat about everyday happenings.  And that's fine.  In all honesty, I don't "know" them, and they certainly don't "know" me.  It's just how it is. 

I'm substantially younger than the rest of my siblings, which means that by the time I was an adult, they were already set up in their grown-up lives with kids of their own and busy jobs and homes and so-on.  Any attempt at closeness was also hindered by the fact that I lived almost 10 hours from most of them (still at home with Mom & Dad).  I get it :  we didn't grow up together.  We're not close.  Everyone likes to pretend we are when we're all forced to be at the same family events together, but the sad truth of the matter is, we are not close.  My two sisters are close (raised in the same household and they're only 5 years apart in age).  One of my brothers is close to my two sisters (married to one of them {don't ask}, so he is surreptitiously looped into the tight inner circle of their lives).  My oldest brother keeps in touch with my two sisters & brother (who loudly share his same political beliefs).  My youngest brother keeps ALL of us at (more than) an arms length (maybe he's the smartest one after all). 

And then there's me.

I'm 9 years younger than my next oldest sibling (the one who keeps everyone at a distance).  11 years younger than my brother who married my sister.  13 years younger than my very loud, very politically opinionated oldest brother.  15 years younger than my sister who married my brother.  20 years younger than my oldest sister.

Lots of space, opinions, judgments, life-experiences, and expectations in between all of them and me.  Lots.  No really - LOTS.

One of my nieces recently had a birthday (she's 30-something).  I saw that my sister (her mother) wrote a very sweet tribute to her on FB first thing in the morning on her bday.  I saw that my other sister wrote and even SWEETER tribute to her on FB, complete with a photo of my niece on one of her MANY visits with said Sister, first thing on her bday.  Today is my son's 24th birthday.  I'm still waiting for ANY ONE of my siblings to even just say Happy Birthday to him.  My husband's brother did (and always does - he's very faithful with all of his nieces and nephews).  But so far, none of mine have.  Including my brother who married my sister - who is my son's Godfather.  So disappointing, but not surprising.

I recently sent my sister who married my brother a book in the mail.  She's been grieving about someone close to her who passed away and she has been really struggling.  I thought the book would help.  The note I enclosed with the book said, "I haven't heard much from you lately.  I'm worried about you and pray for you daily."  (I'm paraphrasing, as I can't recall the EXACT wording I used.)  She sent me a very brief text saying "I got the book today.  Thank you honey!!".  Maybe it's just me, but I thought my note would've garnered a bit more of a response.  I thought it was enough to prompt a conversation.  I was incorrect.  If my oldest sister would've been the one to send her that book, it would've received a tribute on Facebook and an hour long phone call.  But, it was from ME.  Nothing more than a quick text necessary.

We have had my parents living with us since 2003.  We have attended to their every need.  We have attended every doctors appointment.  I've been the one to sit at every hospital bedside.  We are the ones who administer every medication.  We are the ones who clean up every mess.  We are the ones who spend EVERYDAY trying to make their lives easy, interactive, and safe.  We are the ones who make (almost) every single meal they eat.  It's OUR vacation days from work that get utilized when Mom and Dad need someone to do ANYTHING with them.  And I'm glad. 

Having Mom & Dad with us has been a blessing that I could never have imagined.  Being the youngest child (Dad was 44 when I was born), I always worried that my own children would never really know their grandparents, as my parents would be quite elderly by the time my own kids were old enough to appreciate the time with them.  Having them living with us has meant that my two kids had Granny & Papa in their lives on a daily basis since they were in elementary school!  Papa helped my daughter learn to count change and tell time.  Granny was the one available to take forgotten homework to school for the kids when they needed it (I was at work 45 minutes away).  Granny & Papa were the ones at home to receive the children each day after school (I didn't get home until they'd already been off school for 2 hours).  Not to mention all the meals shared around the table listening to my parents stories of times-gone-by and hearing all of the jokes and family tales our clan loves to share.  Every birthday party, every Thanksgiving, every Christmas, every special event at school.  My parents were there for ALL of it.  What a priceless gift!  And my two kids have received the lions-share of these times, all because my husband and I chose to share our home with these two people who needed us.  I am so blessed.

On Father's Day, I had to take my Daddy to the ER.  He was having pain in his arm, and although we were certain it was just a muscle pull, he insisted we go to the ER to have it checked out.  Of course, I agreed to take him.  After the hospital visit confirmed it was nothing serious - only a torn bicep, I made a quick post about how happy I am to still have my Daddy on Father's Day and how glad I was that the ER visit was nothing to be concerned about.

Last week I spoke to my brother who married my sister on the phone.  I called him.  He NEVER calls me (unless it's my birthday or he needs something from me).  (In fact, NONE of my siblings call me to catch up.  To see how I'm doing.  To see how my kids are doing.  To see how MOM AND DAD are doing.  EVER.)  Daddy was trying to remember the name of a grocery store that was near our home in New Orleans.  I couldn't come up with the name and I was hoping my brother could recall it.  He could not.  Just as we were getting off the phone, he told me he didn't appreciate learning of Dad's ER visit on Facebook.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

Never a 'thank you for taking care of my parents'.  Never a check in the mail to help with expenses (meanwhile, they've purchased their second home, which they needed for their DOGS).  Never an offer to take care of doctor's visits when they're in town so I don't have to use my vacation time to do so.  NOTHING.  Twelve years.  And you have the nerve to gripe at me about how you found out DAD IS FINE????  Wow.  I'm overcome.  He has some nerve.  I think he's crossed a line for me.  I think I'm done.  I'd already pretty well written off my two other brothers and my two sisters, but I think this did it for me with my brother who married my sister too.

I'm tired of trying to consider everyone when no one considers us (me, my parents, my husband and our two children).  And you know what?  I feel free.  Free of the burden of trying to "play nice" with people who don't want us in the game at all.  Free from having to invite people to family events who do not want to be there at all.  My two nieces, who both live less than 45 minutes away could not bother to attend my own son's bridal shower OR wedding OR baby shower.  And only TWO of my siblings did.  They will fly {literally} ALL OVER THE WORLD to attend events for one another, but they can't bother to drive across town for my own children.  My parents can see how even they are peripheral - only getting a visit from their daughters when they're in the area for something else - only getting a phone call to talk on holidays or birthdays (and maybe not even then).

After the phone call with my brother last week, I really think I'm done.  I am an only child.

Graduation Approaches

We're planning Shelby's Graduation Open House right now... it seems like this moment has literally snuck upon us without warning.  Yes, we've had 18+ years to prepare for it's arrival, but it all seems too quick.  Too soon.

She's ready.  She's ready to jump into college and get her "grown-up-life" started.  She has so many plans.  So many dreams.  And they're seemingly coming true for her one step at a time.  She's done a lot of planning things out - a lot of careful consideration of her options.  I think she's made some wise choices and some silly ones too.. but they all seem to be working together to bring her to the exact spot she's been aiming at for years.  There's an immense pleasure, as a parent, watching your child reach for their dreams.  I've been blessed to watch our Shelby reaching for hers - and I'm glad I've been able to be right there beside her the whole time.

Unkind Words

I do not understand people. I try.  I have even turned my own opinions on their ear to try to get a clear view of someone else's standpoint.  And yet, I still don't understand people. 

Why do folks think putting cruel, bigoted words on Facebook is ok - proverbially SCREAMING their insults at those who believe differently than they do??  I have one family member - a CLOSE family member - a family member I love very dearly - who doesn't think twice about posting cruel, sharp items / statements that belittle, insult and demean other members of our family.  This person shows no remorse or concern over his hate-speech.  He shows no regard for anyone's feelings other than his own (including those of our elderly parents). 

Here is his comment on another family member's post today:  "I am so very, very tired of willfully ignorant bigots, i.e. conservatives.  They contribute nothing to the betterment of our nation."  So when Conservatives are all lumped into one group (as he lumps them in his statement), isn't that bigotry?  To be so quick to condemn an entire group at one time.... isn't that exactly what most Liberal groups condemn??  Don't they encourage compassion, open-mindedness, acceptance?  Yet he cannot see the heinousness of his own statements.  And the other family member whose wall he posted this comment on - who is a gentle, loving heart - will allow these types of hateful comments to remain, for the sake of his support of her initial post. 

Are his views the ONLY views??  To him, yes... they are the only RIGHTEOUS, INTELLIGENT views.  He has blinded himself with hatred for the "wrong" party so much that he cannot see his own iniquities.  Does this person honestly believe that posting this type of hate-speech would woo someone from the opposing side to "see the light" and convert??  Can he not see that his diatribes of hatred have alienated him from his own parents? His own sibling(s)?  And many of his (one-time) friends? 

I feel pity for him.  Pity that he cannot see the blackness that he has so enthusiastically allowed to swallow him.  Pity that his mind is so closed.  Pity that he cannot see the iniquities of his own Party, as his fervor lies in condemning the opposition.

Both sides (of the political arena) are liars. Both sides are working their spin-doctors feverishly at all times.  Both sides "own" pieces of the media (Fox, CNN, etc.) and use them to spread their own self-serving propaganda.  Neither side is straight forward and clean cut.  This is fact.  Neither side is better than the other - they just work different sides of the system to their own advantage.

None of this means enough to me for me to BASH someone in my family.  And if your comments on my Facebook page condemn another, they will be promptly removed.

None of this means enough to me for me to HURT someone who loves me.  I will not bring my opposing views to Facebook (or your home) and insight turmoil, just for the sake of showing you how WRONG I believe you are, while flaunting how RIGHT I believe I am.

None of this means enough to me for me to verbally ATTACK someone I love.  Your beliefs are just as valid as mine.  And just because we differ in our opinions does not mean I hate you, or think you are ignorant, or mis-informed.

And maybe the fact that someone I love doesn't mind ATTACKING others based on his political stand-points should convince me that the love I feel for this person is greater than his love for me.  His need to ATTACK, HURT and BASH is greater than his need to LOVE, ACCEPT, and BE COMPASSIONATE towards others. 

Maybe I understand people more than I thought.

Questions Answered

In response to a list of questions I found on a new blog I love, here are my answers.....

1. Where is the favorite place you've lived? - Definately here in Southern Indiana. Spending 23 years in New Orleans was a lot of fun (mostly), but the peace and quiet (and safety and close-knit-ness) of the little town we live in right now suits me just right.

2. Favorite store to shop at? Or, would want to shop at, if given an unlimited budget?  Ooohhhh.  I'm not a big shopper in the main-stream-retail arena.  My forte comes in the form of garage sales, flea markets, antique stores and Goodwill. Yep.  I know.  I rock.

3. What do you do during the day?  Out of the house job, or at home job?  I work a full-time job in the distribution field. I can't say I love my job as much as I used to, but it pays the bills and I do love my boss and 99.9% if the folks I work with.  They've been very good to me so I am reluctant to leave.  I am also the Music Minister (Choir Director and Organist) at our church.  I wish this job paid enough for me to do it full time instead of my "real" job.  I love working with my choir, planning the music, researching all of the music for the next season, piecing together our annual Cantata, etc.  It's my passion and I cannot imagine not doing it.

4. Do you believe in allowances for kids, and at what age?  I believe a kid should receive a set amount for a set behavior.  If report card grades are up to par = $5.  If the bedroom is kept "clean" all week, $5.... or whatever the agreed upon dollar amount is.  I don't think giving a child free money teaches anything  - it only teaches the child to expect hand-outs and freebees.

5. Favorite food(s)?  My Mom's dressing at Thanksgiving and Haagen Daaz Coffee Ice Cream.  These two could sustain me indefinately, I'm certain.

6. What do you like most about yourself?  Hmmmm... this one is tough.  I have pretty low self-esteem most of the time, so picking something I actually approve of is difficult.  I guess I love that I have a determined nature.  After surviving Hurricane Katrina in New Orleans, moving our family of 6 across the country, finding new careers in a new place, and basically starting our lives over - I would have to say I'm pretty resilient.

7.  What is the first trait you notice about someone when you meet him/her?  Friendliness / lack of friendliness.

8.  What is your next big home project?  Oh goodness.  For anyone who knows me, you know I hate our house.  The Big Brown Turd.  Oh, don't get me wrong, the house is beautiful and it was perfectly suited for our family.  But it's just not "ME".  And...... the house is out to get me, I swear.  Just about the time we fix one of it's many issues (the house is over 100 years old), seven more rear their ugly heads and demand attention.  Since we just built the pool / deck / firepit area last summer, I don't know if we'll have any other MAJOR home projects for a little while.... and because all of our discresionary funds will be funnelled towards the 1951 Chevy (aka "The Beast") in our garage and towards our (please Dear Lord, it's been TOOO LONG) upcoming VACATION.

9.  Have you been disillusioned about something that you believed when you were younger?  Heavens yes.  I believed I had the "perfect" family when I was little.  I have three older brothers and two older sisters and I thought we were just the perfect group when I was a child.  This is, in part, due to the diligent pretending on my family members parts while I was present.  In my mind, I had the perfect childhood - happy big family - lots of wonderful Christmas memories - lots of time together.  In reality, several of the members of my family could not tolerate each other, but did so to accomodate family harmony.  I am so thankful to those family members who sacrificed their own need to be sarcastic or even mean to others who had offended them - those self-sacrifices allowed me to have a "perfect" childhood.

10.  What got you into blogging?  I'm not really sure why I blog.  I don't think anyone reads my blog.  I just like to write, I suppose  -  and document. 

11.  Favorite book?  All-time favorite book for me is Pillars of the Earth.  And the next book, World Without End. I could re-read them over and over again.

 

Times They Are A Changin'

I'm sure everyone with children over the age of 10 has had more than their fair share of "what happened???" moments when facing the reality of your kids growing up.  It feels as if five minutes have passed since I was wiping Slime out of my sons Barney pajamas and now I look over at him (now 21) while we're watching the Olympics and he's finishing up a Heinekin Dark Label.  Less than three minutes ago we were throwing away the 6,718th Barbie doll head that our little girl had left on the floor and our dog had chewed up and now she's about to get her Driver's Permit.

WTH ????  I want to shake my fists heavenward and cry, "BUT I'M NOT FINISHED YET !!!!"  To no avail, I realize, but it just makes me feel so helpless.  There's still so much to tell them, protect them from, to reward them for.... yet, they don't want us to do those things for them anymore (well, maybe they still want the rewarding part.....ie: $$).  "Big D" and I find it perplexing that, despite the fact that they have two adults (with resources {meager, YES, but resources, nonetheless}, love, guidance, advice and a modicum of social tools) willing to shower them with all we can offer...... they'd rather scuffle along on their own with only a polite nod in our direction from time to time. Ok, sometimes the nod isn't even polite.

I'm enjoying the "letting go" part of being a parent.... (IT HURTS - MAKE IT STOP!!!!) watching them branch out into the world on their own, while still coming back to the nest for recharging (and lots of cuddling) but at the same time, I find it boggling that as much as we let go and resolve ourselves to the fact that THEY DON'T WANT ALL OF THE HELP with the "Growing Up", they still scratch and push so the "Letting Go" happens at a speed similar to that of the X-15 rocket-powered aircraft instead of a speed that would more suit us, as parents.

Then.... it happens.

I remember how I scratched and pushed (and bit and kicked and smacked and clawed and spit and cried) to get my parents to let go.  (Yes, I was a challenge.)  And I remember all of the bumps and scrapes I suffered along the way.  Indeed, listening to my parents would've saved me a lot of heartache and money, but I did manage to live through it.  (And, miraculously, so did my parents.)

Today, I'm praying for the ability to keep my mouth shut.  Stop laughing - all of you.  Everyone who knows me knows how impossible how much of a challenge that is for me.  But I'm trying.  This is the most challenging stage of parenting for me so far - not being entirely sure when you're offering too much, and when to step up and offer without being asked (cause they NEVER ask).  I'm sure many of you have had this same dilemna in your parenting as well....and I know all four of us will live through it.  But sometimes it just feels endless.  Oil and water.

I'm hopefully awaiting the time when what is now "oil and water", turns back into the nicely tossed salad that it once was.  Each of us uniquely their own, but working together to make a wonderfully interesting, tasty mix of insanity.  Wait..... I think that might STILL BE what we are.......  maybe if I remind the kids of how well we all work together when EVERYONE COOPERATES and how well we all get along when EVERYONE JUST DOES WHAT THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO DO..... but instead, I think I'll just keep my mouth shut.

This time.

New Leaf

Oh how quickly things can change...... and so much changed for the better, too.

Days after my last post, "S" left for almost two weeks in Europe.  I know.  I know.  Anyway, while on her trip, she met the nicest young man I think I've ever met.  After nearly passing out in the Zurich Airport, this caring young man came to her rescue and looked after her for the entire trip.  Needless to say, she was about as safe as she could ever be.  They've been going strong now ever since returning from the trip on April 1.  She's soooooo crazy-in-love with him : and sure does seem like he's crazy-in-love with he, too.  "Big D" and I are sure happy for her to have found someone who fits into her life so well - and fits into our family so well, too.

"C" is back home after a loooooooong ordeal.  He's starting over from scratch and we're just so happy to be here to support him as he grows into a man.  It's never easy starting over, but it's so much easier to do if you have the love and support of your family, and he certainly has that going for him in spades.  His Dad ("Big D") has him out getting a lot of necessities taken care of today (ie: haircut, opening a bank account, filling out job applications, etc.) and we'll probably just hang in the pool tonight....... much like we did last night.  Sure is wonderful having our little family back together again.  God's blessings are so bountiful.  And I am so thankful.

 

Tears & Laughter

TEARS :  Oh, what do you do when your child's heart is broken for the first time?  I wish I had the answer... I felt like I had been turned inside out when I saw the look on her face and the tears on her cheeks yesterday afternoon.... and it really wasn't as bad as it could've been.  They're on a "break".  They're "just friends" now.  Her expectations and hopes were crushed.

LAUGHTER :  But I'm so proud of the way she's handling this.  This is her first real heart break.  Yes, she was broken and sad about it.  But she wasn't sobbing and coming apart at the seams like some girls do.  She was thoughtful and pensive about it - even trying to see the "bright side" of it all.  That's my girl !  When I asked her if she wanted her father to kill him, she shook her head 'no'.   When I asked her if she wanted her father to scare the crap out of him, she laughed and shook her head 'yes'.  I'm so grateful to the Lord for making her first love.... and subsequently her first heart break - with someone so sweet. 

This trip to Europe is exactly what she needs EXACTLY when she needs it.  God's timing is so wonderful - so perfect.  And when I felt my own heart aching alongside hers last night, I was reminded of how much more His heart must be aching for her sadness.  I'm so thankful - so blessed - to know my Savior loves my daughter even more than I do.

Good from the Bad

We have had our mantel mirror for about 8 years now.  It's large - ornate - and it was an expensive purchase.  It's graced our mantel for a long time and Big D and I just assumed it always would.

Our cats changed that.

Normally, none of them get up on the mantel at all.  Well, for some reason, about a week ago, our most innocent and sweet baby kitty - Gus - decided she needed to be on the mantel.  Her growth was stunted from being starved as a kitten (before we found her) and her mental aptitude is quite low from that as well...so it's difficult to be angry at her.  We gently shooed her from the mantel twice.... the third time, the mirror came down with her.

Big D said he was actually sick to his stomach over it.

This summer we had replacement windows installed in our upstairs bedrooms. The windows that were taken out were the original windows to our 100+ year old home.  They are....well, old.... but they have quite a lot of charm and I just couldn't bring myself to throw them out.  I'm glad now that we did keep them.....

Big D bought me this antique iron a couple weeks ago while we were in Bedford, Indiana on a one-day road trip.  I like it paired with his antique railroad lantern.

The tiger chairs are SUPER comfortable, but I'm considering reupholstering them......

So despite losing a favorite item from our home, we're pretty happy with the mantel 2.0 design.  I have a few more touches to add to it this week, but overall, Big D and I are both happy this accident forced our hand.  What do you think ?