This has been a difficult weekend for me. I've avoided Facebook and television as much as possible, not wanting to see all of the anniversary shows and posts about the Storm. (Yes, it has a capital "S". It will ALWAYS have a capital "S".) And at the same time, I cannot avoid the vivid memories inside my own mind about that time. We stayed thoughout the Storm, leaving 10 days later for Indiana, for safety, for rest. Ten days. Ten days of uncertainty. Ten days of fear. Ten days of terror. Ten days of hunger. Ten days of filth with no way to take a real bath. Ten days of sweltering heat with no way to cool off. Ten days of living off of basic instincts and hope. Ten very long, horrifying days.
Everyone wants to ask us about our experience before/during/after the Storm. It must seem surreal to most, so of course, they want to hear what it was like, how we managed, why didn't we leave, how did we get out, how did we restart out lives here in Indiana and why we chose not to go back. It doesn't seem surreal to us. It seems very, very real.
As August 29th approached, I envisioned myself giving and receiving comfort from my husband and my two children. I envisioned us hunkered down, closing the outside world out, nuzzled in together playing cards, talking, laughing and remembering together. The balm of my family would make this benchmark in time easier to bear and make the memories soften and fade. Instead, both of my children were away - both off with their own lives, very unaware of the memories I still wrestle with, and unaware of the comfort I needed from their presence. And that's a good thing. Neither of them were old enough to remember all of the difficult decisions their father and I were faced with. Neither of them were old enough to have been truly conscious of our dire circumstances. Neither of them, it seems, were old enough to be deeply scarred by the trauma and fear. Thank God.
The next 8 days will be a rollercoaster ride for me as we continue to recall the day-by-day events that lead us to uproot our family of six, quit our long-term jobs, and relocate on a prayer in an entirely new place. Remembering the steps we went through.... the worry, the blessings (because there were MANY of those), and the miracle that God performed in our lives....these are all part of the long-term healing that we must endure.
Ten years on, we're happy here in Indiana. We're content with where/how we landed after the Storm. But the 'getting here' was pretty rough.